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Editing Challenge Day 22: Pull Out the Explanations

This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

There are only nine days left to go, editors. You’ve been working hard and diligently on that story you first printed out twenty-two days ago, and I bet it looks quite different from the way it did on day one. I’d love to see your marked up pages; tweet a picture to me @bhurley and I’ll be delighted to retweet.

So today I’m suggesting you do just a bit more cutting. Just when you thought you couldn’t cut any more, you discover a new spot that is redundant or weak or just over-explaining the magic of the scene that you’ve worked so hard to create. Today, do a pass with the story and look for places where you’re over-explaining the meaning of the story. We all do it; it comes from a simultaneous burst of braggadocio and insecurity. On one level, we want our readers to appreciate how smart we are. See that metaphor over there? See what I did with that parallel between the father and his son? Yeah, I know, it’s pretty great. Here, let me show you my brilliance. And at the same time, it’s the insecurity: I don’t know if you can tell what I’m trying to do here. Maybe I was too subtle. Here, let me help you.

As a general rule of thumb, readers are smarter than we give them credit for. We need to remember that they can pick up on clues, and more importantly, they want to draw their own conclusions from the story.

So today, take that pass and again look for moments where you are over-explaining. Take a breath. Have a little faith that your ideas are there, and they’re good.

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting.

Editing Challenge Day 21: Read Your Favorite Sentences

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This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

It’s Sunday again, editors, which means it’s time for a little bit of rest on the editing quest. But not complete rest! Sunday is a wonderful day to immerse yourself in the pleasure of reading and of words and sentences, so you’ll return to your work on Monday refreshed and inspired. Today, my assignment is for you to look at your bookshelf, open a few old favorites and re-visit some of your favorite sentences.

Some writers do this almost as a way of casting a spell, or perhaps marinating in the rhythms and music of others. I know some writers who began their own journeys by diligently copying down the sentences of their favorite authors, hoping the habit of writing great sentences would sink in this way. So today, take a look at some beautiful sentences, and simply enjoy them. To get you started, here are a few lists of beautiful sentences in the English language:

51 of the Most Beautiful Sentences in Literature

The 50 Best First Sentences in Fiction

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting.

Editing Challenge Day 20: Enrich the Setting

The Blairzone - 33This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

Today’s editing challenge sounds big, but is actually quite small, and still on our theme this week of looking at the story on a micro level. In a first draft, I often find that I’m in a hurry to get going to the main points of the plot; I know this and that clash has to happen in this room and at that train station, so I gallop ahead to the clash. But part of the great pleasure of reading is in being able to picture the world that characters enter and be moved or unsettled by it. I love stories that have a strong sense of place. But dumping in a giant paragraph of passive description isn’t the right way to go about it.

Instead, we want to give our reader just enough for him to be able to paint a picture in his own mind, with his own quirks and preferences. We want to enrich the setting by incorporating it more strongly into the story, right alongside the action.

Take a story with an ugly confrontation at a cocktail party. How big is the space? Is everyone crushed up against each other in somebody’s studio apartment, or is it a lofty and grand ballroom? Is there a table with food and drinks or is everyone pawing through the fridge? Is the enemy across the room or face to face? Are the lights dim or glaring? Giving us little details of setting are crucial to our immersion in the scene — and the setting can actually make important differences in what goes down in the plot.

The same goes for a story about wide-open spaces. If you’re writing a cowboy story, are we in the desert or the mountains? Are we in a gully or on top of a ridge? What wildlife is here? Is there water near? Is the setting somewhere dangerous, the kind of place you shouldn’t linger if the weather gets bad? How far back are the people pursuing, and do they have it tough or easy? In many stories, setting is the story. But we still want the focus to be action and character.

Today, try slipping in just a sentence or two of setting among the action of your paragraphs. Give us the way the light is coming through the window or what the stores are selling along that deserted street. Show us the train tracks. Show us the bustling mall. Let us picture where we are while the story unfolds.

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting.

Editing Challenge Day 19: Cut the Clichés

The Blairzone - 24This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

It’s time, readers, for one of the age-old practices of editing: now that we have shaped and altered a lot of the big picture elements of a story, we are ready to examine our writing on a sentence level. Today we are on the hunt for clichés.

What is a cliché and why is it so bad? We all know examples of clichés. Are you blind as a bat? Do you think blood is thicker than water? When there was a car stopped in the street, was there a deafening chorus of horns? Was it just the icing on the cake when you won that prize, or was it the tip of the iceberg? Our language abounds with phrases that easily slip of the tongue and that have the ring of idiomatic familiarity to them. We use them in speech precisely because they’re a kind of shared shorthand with our fellow human beings. We know them already, and so they act efficiently when we are trying to communicate something. And that’s precisely why they’re so noxious in creative writing. On the page, they’re old news: they’re unfresh, uninviting, not giving us a new perspective on anything. They’re relying on other people’s thoughts to make a scene, and so they end up acting as dead space on the page. The reader’s eye will skip right over them because they’re so familiar — and if all we’re doing is skipping, then it’s like a screen with a dead pixel. There’s nothing left to enjoy.

Cliches are a sign of lazy writing, and so they make readers trust the writer a little bit less with each one that appears. They create a cumulative effect of incompetence or of apathy. Didn’t the writer care enough to work harder and give me something new? The reader will wonder.

So let’s make sure we don’t let a single one into our writing. Let’s strike them down with the full force of our power and strength as discerning editors. Today, get out the red pen and read through your story, circling any clichés. By cutting them, you’re creating an empty space in your writing, of course; you’ll have to fill in the blank with a phrase that is more new and more individual. Often, the way to fight a cliché is by getting more specific. If you have a character who is joyful, don’t say he’s over the moon; think about his specific expression of joy. What does he do that is unique to him?

Here’s a list of some of my favorite clichés or over-familiar phrasings that I’ve collected from student work over the years. It’s a place to get you started in your hunt:

every fibre of my being
jumped out of my skin
it all started when
she was his everything
her smile lit up the room
this is just the icing on the cake
hit me like a ton of bricks
heart skipped a beat
just a pawn in the game
he was as free as a bird
it was like a slap in the face
who am I to judge
the man of my dreams
at lightning speed
one thing leads to another
to say the least/needless to say
nothing would ever be the same
it all happened so fast
she stormed off
little did I know
the fabric of our lives/existence
she meant the world to him
each and every one of you
only time will tell
day in and day out
Just when I least expected it
right then and there
the next thing I knew
he is a blessing in disguise
it was my home away from home
tears streamed down my face
cried myself to sleep
with that,…

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting.

Editing Challenge Day 18: First and Last Sentences of Every Paragraph

The Blairzone - 40This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

Good character work this week, editors! We’ve asked some tough questions about building your character outward and inward and upward. Now it’s time to return to editing on a micro level, really polishing the piece from sentence to sentence. As I was reading one of my favorite stylists, Zadie Smith, I noticed something powerful and effective about her paragraphs. Check out an example from her New York Review of Books essay, “Joy”:

“…if you asked me if I wanted more joyful experiences in my life, I wouldn’t be at all sure I did, exactly because it proves such a difficult emotion to manage. It’s not at all obvious to me how we should make an accommodation between joy and the rest of our everyday lives.

Perhaps the first thing to say is that I experience at least a little pleasure every day. I wonder if this is more than the usual amount? It was the same even in childhood when most people are miserable…”

And here’s another couple of paragraphs later on:

“An egg sandwich from one of these grimy food vans on Washington Square has the genuine power to turn my day around. Whatever is put in front of me, foodwise, will usually get a five-star review.

You’d think that people would like to cook for, or eat with, me—in fact I’m told it’s boring. Where there is no discernment there can be no awareness of expertise or gratitude for special effort. “Don’t say that was delicious,” my husband warns, “you say everything’s delicious.”

And how about just one more pair of paragraphs:

“…my husband nods a little impatiently; there was no need for the addition. My husband is also a professional gawker.

The advice one finds in ladies’ magazines is usually to be feared, but there is something in that old chestnut: “shared interests.” It does help.”

There is much to love in Zadie Smith’s clean, precise, gently comedic writing, but I want to focus today on her transitions. In the way we often do, Smith seems to be thinking about her topic from paragraph to paragraph; we can see each paragraph engaging with a different aspect of her subject (the differences between pleasure and joy). But she does a neat little trick that makes every paragraph seem to flow seamlessly from the next: the last sentence of each paragraph is actually the beginning of the thought of the next paragraph. See how that works? The first paragraph mentions everyday lives and then the next paragraph is about experiencing pleasure every day; the next one mentions the pleasure of food and the one that follows is about food and cooking; and the next one mentions a shared interest of her husband’s and the paragraph that follows is about their connection and bond.

It’s such a simple trick, but it’s the kind of thing that can usually only be caught in a second or third draft, not the first. We first think of the ideas and anecdotes we want to share in separate, discrete chunks, and put them in paragraphs accordingly. But what if we re-visited them and just made the first sentence of each paragraph the last of the previous one, or wrote a new transitional sentence? Suddenly the idea seems to flow naturally from the one that came before. This works for both fiction and nonfiction; we want to see a continuous thread of thought and narration, weaving seamlessly through the story.

So today, play around with the first and last sentences of each of your paragraphs in your story. See if you can just make them jump up to the previous paragraph, or throw in a quick image or phrase that will transition from one to the next. It makes things more suspenseful and also more inviting.

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting.

Editing Challenge Day 17: Give Us Your Character’s Dreams

This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

Yesterday we talked about giving your character little details that make him or her seem real. But I often see student or professional stories that give us a believable person and milieu, and yet don’t think bigger. We want to read a story that has movement and direction, and we’ve discussed doing that in plot, but it’s also a journey that must be taken in character.

So today in your editing journal, take a few notes down about your character’s dreams and aspirations. What are his most potent desires? What does he imagine happening in a perfect world? And what would he do if only he were brave or talented or wise enough to get it done? I was thinking about this recently after setting a story at an artist’s colony and having my character meet various wacky characters. That was all well and good, I thought, but why was he really there? What was he hoping to accomplish? Was he there to finish the novel and make it big, or just as a curious observer, reporting on the funny people around him? What the heck did he want, anyway?

I think we have to have a strong sense of what a character wants if we are going to let the story’s plot points flow in a natural and believable way. Short stories often go off the deep end by having character go to stranger and stranger places and do stranger and stranger things — but I find those kinds of stories tedious unless I full understand why the character is really doing those things.

It’s back to basics today, folks. Why is your character there? What does he or she really want?

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting.

Editing Challenge Day 16: Know Your Character Like Yourself

This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

One of the great joys of sinking into a good story is feeling that we truly understand a character. Out of that understanding and knowledge comes sympathy and investment; even if the character ends up making terrible choices (see yesterday’s exercise about touching the bear), we can still empathize if we feel that the character is real and human. In the short space of a short story, this building of character is often neglected; we’ve got so much to do already, after all. We’ve got to get in and get out.

But today’s goal it to let your reader feel just a few more sparks of recognition in your story, to feel that the character is real. Pull out your editing journal and think about brainstorming five to ten possible details about your character that could be incorporated into a scene or as a quick mention about the character’s past. I remember in one story by a colleague, a quick mention of a character playing with her cereal in a certain way made me feel a powerful aha! because it was the exact way I played with my cereal as a kid.

Other examples might be:
*the way he or she drives a car or puts on clothes (does she hook the bra behind her back or hook it in the front and swivel it around?)
*how he stirs ice cubes in a glass
*the annoyed politeness she uses when speaking to telemarketers
*the way he brushes his teeth
*the sensual pleasures she finds in life: digging hands into sacks of rice, getting stuck glue out of a bottle, cleaning her ears

What examples can you think of that will make your reader say, “Aha”?

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting.

Editing Challenge Day 15: Touch the Bear

This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

I’ve made it my business to study one of my favorite writers of short stories, the incomparable Alice Munro. Rather than just sink into the stories with simple enjoyment, I’ve tried to examine them and wonder what makes them work. After all, Munro’s writing is not the flashiest or the most innovative; the events of her stories are often quiet; and the emotional drama going on is subtle. So why am I so utterly engrossed and delighted by her storytelling?

Munro has a number of cards in her hand, but one thing I’ve noticed again and again is that she is willing to make her character do the thing that we normally wouldn’t do. She often sets up situations in which a character comes right up to the edge of an uncomfortable moment. They are the kinds of events we do encounter in our own lives — whether to accept a marriage proposal, choosing to stay in school, choosing to parent or not, whether to be kind or not, whether to keep a secret or not. But whereas in real life, many of us would do the polite thing, the discrete thing, the prudent thing, and move on, Munro is willing to push her character into the discomfort. She has her character blurt out the thing no one will say, or get in the car with the stranger, or get off the train instead of riding on the way she is supposed to. These dangerous, uncomfortable choices are the stuff of great drama and riveting fiction.

So today, look back through your story and make sure you aren’t missing any opportunities for your character to take the risky choice. I think of this as my “touch the bear” advice ever since I wrote a story myself involving a character encountering a bear. In my first draft, I had the character look at the bear in the road, reflect a little on his relationship with his mother, and then move on. But in draft two, I suddenly realized that that wasn’t enough: I had to make my character go up and touch the bear. The bear was representing his longing for a powerful mother relationship in his life, and whereas I knew it was irrational and foolish to try to touch a wild animal, my character wasn’t me. He had to go up and touch that bear.

So what bear will you make your characters touch today?

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting at editorial.blairhurley.com.

Editing Challenge Day 14: Read with a Ruler

This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

Today’s editing tip is a low-key one, in honor of it being a weekend, but it will still keep you thinking about your story and others in a new way. Sometimes we need to shake up our reading habits in order to edit better; the largest barrier to being smart editors of our own work is the blindness that sets in when it comes to reading our own sentences. We lose the forest for the trees, and we also start tolerating so-so sentences just because we’ve seen them again and again.

Today, read through your story with all the new changes you’ve made — but read it with a ruler underneath each line. This is what people used to do to read small type, and in fact it’s a trick I learned from reading A Prayer for Owen Meany. In that novel, a character seems to have a version of ADD or dyslexia and finds it hard to read because his eyes and his attention keep jumping all over the page. He devises a piece of paper with a rectangle cut out of it and reads that way, only able to look at one sentence or even just one phrase at a time.

As soon as I read about this, I was struck by it as a potentially useful technique not just for the ADD-afflicted among us, but for anyone who wants to increase her reading focus. It will force you to examine your own writing one sentence at a time. Does it sing? Does it feel clear, focused and forceful? Does one sentence follow naturally from the previous one?

Take it easy today, editors — but read thoughtfully, and you’ll be ready for some tougher editing challenges in the next week!

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting at editorial.blairhurley.com.

Editing Challenge Day 13: Go Back and Plant Some Seeds

This is a new part of my 30-Day Editing Challenge. Start at the beginning or find other days here.

Joyce Carol Oates said once that she doesn’t know what the first page of a novel should be until she has written the last page. Since she’s Joyce Carol Oates, the period between those two events is probably on the order of weeks, but the lesson stands for the rest of us: we often need to write to the end of a story before we truly discover what that story is about.

It might not be until we reach the climax that we realize what the climax should be, and we might not discover that the story is really all about the sister relationship rather than the romantic one (like Frozen!) until we’ve gotten to the end. Once you HAVE gotten to the end of a draft, though, it’s time to look back and actually do some hard thinking about what tensions and characters really floated to the top, regardless of what you originally intended.

This happens to me all the time: I’ll set out with teeth gritted, telling myself I’m writing a story about a husband and wife; but by the end, I realize I’ve been writing about the wife’s past, not really about her current relationship. Surprises like this can come along even in concrete plot points: Flannery O’Connor wrote about one story that she didn’t know a wayward Bible salesman was going to steal a woman’s artificial leg until he up and did.

But here’s a great pleasure of the editing process: now that you know what the story is really about, you can go back and plant some seeds to make it look like you were planning that all along. We often marvel at the cunning ways writers foreshadow or show themes or threads all along, but guess what: many of those have been planted retroactively.

It’s fun! Go ahead and re-visit that late night conversation, and throw in some flirtation now that you know they’re secretly in love. Add flower imagery to the first paragraph now that you know someone will be killed for her rare and priceless orchid collection. Show themes of growing up, now that you know the story is about growing up. This is one of my favorite editing tricks because it’s one of those things that looks hard, but is actually easy.

Did you ever read The Lupin Lady when you were a kid? It’s a delightful picture book about a woman who wants to spread beauty in the world, so she spends years merrily galavanting about her town, dropping lupin seeds wherever she goes. Years later, the town is a riot of beautiful purple flowers. So today, become the Lupin Lady — prance merrily through your story and plant seeds so that the climax and ending will feel natural and inevitable.

Ready to take your writing to the next level? Consider my professional manuscript consulting at editorial.blairhurley.com.